My mind is running at a million miles a minute, but my body is shutting down.

Weak at the Knees.

Whenever someone says your name I feel my stomach tighten, my eyes widen and my knees feel weak. It’s crazy how after all the shit we’ve been through you have that much power over me. I can’t look you in the eyes for longer than a few moments because I’m afraid you’ll find the pain sitting there in my shallow dark brown iris. 

I feel bitterly powerless when it comes to your touch. I want to feel that passion again, but I don’t want to feel it when I see you anymore. I don’t want to feel this heaviness when I sleep next to you. The distance is so much more than any closeness I’ve ever felt towards you.

One moment of true passion and love can really change a person, whether it be good or bad. Sometimes it can eat away at you. Sometimes it can move you and make you feel superhuman. But then there are those moments late at night when all you can see is their face. All you crave is their touch, and you try to remember what they smell like. Then after a while you start to forget exactly what they look like when they laugh just a little too hard. You forget the little quirks, like the fact that they know all the words to pretty much every DMX song. But you’ll never forget the way they made you feel. You’ll never forget the way your stomach tightened when they said you name, or when your eyes widened because you were theirs, or when your knees got weak when they kissed you. Those are the things you’re never going to forget.

He may love you. He probably does. He probably thinks about you all the time. But that isn’t what matters. What matters is what he’s doing about it, and what he’s doing about it is nothing. And if he’s doing nothing, you most certainly shouldn’t do anything. You need someone who goes out of their way to make it obvious that they want you in their life.

-I really want you to see this, and just understand. (via daizzle)

(Source: a-quiet-old-soul, via smartin2731)

One day I will make up for all of these bad choices with really amazing decisions.

One day, whether you
are 14,
or 65

you will stumble upon
someone who will start
a fire in you that cannot die.

However, the saddest,
most awful truth
you will ever come to find––

is they are not always
with whom we spend our lives.

-Beau Taplin, “The Awful Truth”  (via coffeekaling)

(Source: afadthatlastsforever, via hannahmontanningbed)

5 year plan.

I’ve been debating for a while now what the hell it is that I want to accomplish in my lifetime. I’ve come up with the basics: get a job, make money, pay off my debt, be happy. All of which are fairly easy to achieve and not very unique- go figure. 

But what is it that’s going to differentiate MY life from those around me? I could easily settle down, get married, have kids and live in a house with a two car garage.. But is that what I want? The answer my friends, is hell no. Sadly, within the past three years at college I have somehow lost my way. I no longer feel the need to travel the world and to see amazing new things. Instead I’m content with the 9-5 job with benefits. I’ve lost my lust for spontaneity and have slowly transitioned into a life a comfort.

At this point the only time left between me and the rest of my life is one summer, and two semesters of school. So what’s the next step? That’s the question I’m sure 95% of people my age are asking themselves. The other 5% have dropped out and are probably pursing their careers as DJ’s and growing pot for a living. But because I’m part of the majority I am continually wondering what it is that will help me find that pure happiness that I’ve been longing for for quite some time now. 

So naturally, here is a compilation of all of the real, emotion-provoking things that I want to accomplish within the next 5 years:

1. See the sunrise and sunset in one day

2. Move somewhere new

3. Fall in love, for real and hard…. maybe?

4. Go to Germany and stay a while

5. Run on the beach 

6. Find my “home”

7. Help my dad so he doesn’t have to work anymore

8. Get more tattoos

9. Write more, maybe a book some day?

All of these may seem common to many, but to me they have a much deeper and spiritual meaning. It’s hard to believe that soon I won’t be “waiting” to start my life, but instead I’ll be diving right into it. I’m not scared anymore because I’ve come to the realization that everything is going to work out in the way that it’s supposed to. Every hardship, heartbreak, moment of serendipity— all of these things are what is going to make up the best moments in our lives. It’s up to every individual to find their way, and I think for once in my life I’m making a positive step in the right direction. 


Good Vibes HERE
Time to vent…

I’ll never understand it I guess. I’ll never understand how one moment you spill your heart to someone, you give them every reason to believe that you want to be with them and then the next moment you’re sitting at a table in a restaurant with another girl. 

You text me every night while you’re drunk, call me at 3 am when you’re drunk and vulnerable and I find any way to be there for you. I’m such a push over. You walk all over me every time that you need something and I’ll never understand how you feel absolutely no remorse for that. 

What I’ll also never understand is why I love you so much. I know nothing about you; but I want to know everything. I want to know why you laugh at my stupid jokes, why you find me attractive, and even why you left me wondering what I did wrong. I want to know why I wasn’t good enough for you, and what I can do to make you want me back. But that’s not going to happen, and unfortunately I have to find a way to say no to you. You’ve been my kryptonite for far too long.

Remember when you used to make me blush instead of cry? Those were the days that I want to remember when I think back to you. I want to remember that goofy face and those beautiful blue eyes. I was never truly what you wanted in a person, was I? I don’t always wear make up or do my hair. I dress down more than I dress up. I don’t go tanning.

But I do work hard for what I have. I’m happy most days and I think that I’m one of the most beautiful people in the world. I’ve felt pain and I’m strong. I’m not stuck up and I care about people more than I care about myself most days. 

I know what the fault in our stars is though. Time is against us. Time was always against us. From the very moment this happened we had an expiration date didn’t we?

How many more relationships am I going to have that are going to have this same bitter ending before I find something real and worthwhile? Cause I don’t know how much longer and I put myself through this.